


my battery is low and it's getting dark

by kichiouma



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: And kinda ooc, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mutual Pining, Tord Redemption, big kinnie energy :))), but like. just in the moment cause they reference being assholes, edd and matt are only mentioned, it gets soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 09:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17958173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kichiouma/pseuds/kichiouma
Summary: Winter was a brutal season. It was a miracle to Tord that he had a bed around this time, but that didn’t mean he was having a good time.





	my battery is low and it's getting dark

The windows sat barely open, rain battering against the glass and wind managing to sneak a few droplets inside. They didn’t travel very far, just landing on the edge of the panelling, soaking into the bedsheets, or dripping onto aggravated pale skin. It felt vaguely nice, the cold water occasionally pausing the hot sensation, but it only lasted a few seconds before it returned to the previous temperature.

Tord looked down at his arm with disdain, his face scrunching up as he looked over the white marks surrounded by an angry pink. He’d been raking his nails from his wrist down to the crook of his elbow for a few minutes until each movement he made stung. He thought that it’d make something feel better, anything would’ve been fine right about then. But obviously it wasn’t helping in the slightest. In fact, it only made him feel that much worse. Not only did it make him feel more pathetic, but it reminded him of a lot of things he’d rather be forgetting. 

It reminded him of his old, but still glaringly obvious, scars that littered his thighs, tucked away from sight so that no one else would ever see them. It reminded him of the good majority of his body that was now occupied by wounds that still refused to heal after so much time. But what he hated the most is how it reminded him of what sent him down this upsetting spiral in the first place.

Tom.

He didn’t even do anything, which was the worst part. No, in fact he hadn’t done a single thing to upset him in the past few days. It was so endlessly frustrating that ever since he’d let Tord move back in with him, he’d been nothing but helpful. Well, maybe saying nothing was flat out lying. But, when you looked at the general picture things between them now were so much better. Ironic for the fact that placed them in this situation. 

Ever since the day that Tom’s hand just barely grazing over his fingers made his head fuzzy, or the time when he said that Tord looked, quote, “okay,” which cast him speechless for a moment or two, he’s been overthinking absolutely everything. And as if it needs to be clarified, that left him mentally exhausted.

Tord spent more and more time sitting in his room, staring out of the window like he’s in some melancholy music video but not at all wishing it. Not only that, but he’d stopped joining Tom for their sad excuse for a dinner together. It was usually just either some microwave meals that Tom bought on sale or just some sandwiches made of whatever they could find around in the cupboards. Maybe even something Tom picked up at a bar he was booked at if they were lucky. But despite how boring the meal itself was, they usually took that time to talk alone since most of the week consisted of either them hanging out with Matt and Edd, or Tord sitting on the couch only half listening to the tele as he waits for Tom to get home from a shift so they can eat. He usually enjoyed spending that time with him, but with this unwanted shitty butterfly feeling, it was more so strenuous than anything else. His voice would catch in his throat, he’d forget to eat what was right in front of him, his eyes would follow every move that Tom made that wasn’t him eating to see if he’d fucked up, etc. etc.. Needless to say, Tom noticed. Tord had no idea, of course, which is why he found himself for the umpteenth night in a row where he sat in complete silence, uncharacteristically fretting over nothing that felt like everything.

Well, that is until his ears rung at the sharp sound of his phone going off. He snatched it off of the wobbly nightstand next to the bed, breathing a sigh of relief that it was just a text, though that breath immediately built back up when he noticed the sender.

He slid the notification off of his lock screen, knitting his brows as he stared down at the wallpaper left uncovered. It was a picture of him, Pat, and Pau back when the three of them were just starting out in the army together. Normally he wouldn’t think twice about it, but now it just made him frown. Why was it so hard for him to be that way with Tom? He didn’t have any problems with the two of them, but now all of the sudden he was stuck on every little thing his roommate did. He just didn’t want to admit that he knew what that feeling was; he didn’t want to admit that he might ruin things with him a second time over something so pointless.

Finally, very hesitantly opening his phone with his finger print, he stared down at the one notification symbol mocking him on the messages app. He shook his head. Why in the world was he getting so worked up over this? It was probably just another text about how he brought home some leftovers from some bar, or that he was out for the night with a friend. He opened the app after convincing himself that it was nothing to worry about and opened the top conversation, glancing over the message. Not even close.

_ hey, youve been kinda weird lately, everything ok? _

Tord squeezed his free hand into a fist- or rather, as close to one as he could make what with the damage in his tendons- in some vain attempt to ignore that strange guilt that was picking at him. He tapped his finger against the side of the screen, just out of the way of the keyboard so that it didn’t show he was typing, and gave some thought to how to word things. He wasn’t just about to say “Yeah, I’ve just been sitting up for hours at a time thinking about you and feeling awful about it.” But at the same time he really didn’t want to continue doing just that, nor did he want to lie. That didn’t mean he wasn’t about to try and be as vague as possible about it, hell no. That was a compromise in his eyes.

_ Well makes sense, i’ve been in a weird mood _

_ and what does that entail _

_ I don’t know. I’m just overthinking a lot of things _

_ you? really? _

_ i didnt think you were the kind of person who put much thought into anything lmao _

He was upset that he didn’t have anything in him at the moment to laugh at that. Instead he sighed quietly and leaned to the side to rest against the lump of his pillows that he had propped on the wall, his thumbs hovering over the screen. He thought the transaction was over, and was about to shut off his phone again before Tom was back to typing. 

_ seriously though, what of? _

Tord stole a glance at his window, ignoring the text and turning it off. The rain was as heavy as before, maybe just a tad less intense if at all, and there was now a slightly larger patch of water soaked into his sheets. It’s not like he cared much, he didn’t even sleep that close to the wall so it wasn’t a problem. The light outside had begun to fade off, the sun low and partially cut off by dark storm clouds, though where the line of clouds ended the horizon burned with a slightly obscured fiery hue. It almost hurt his eyes, seeing as he’d had the lights off so Tom might think he just fell asleep. Obviously that didn’t work, but he also didn’t exactly have the energy to get up and turn them on. 

Several minutes passed and he leaned his head against the wall, only for it to spring back up when he heard a knock at his door. He said nothing, just looking out at it with aid from the dimming light coming from his window as if that was going to open it without getting up. He turned his back to the pillows but still didn’t move to get up, waiting for him to say something. Instead, he heard his notification sound again along with the buzz in his hand. Tord put his fingerprint in, keeping his eyes on the door for a moment longer before he reopened his texts and clicked on the message.

_ you up? _

As much as he wanted to ignore it, something in the back of his head was egging him to get this over with; that it wasn’t worth postponing. 

_ Yea _

_ can i come in? _

Again, he hesitated but sent the same thing a second time. He hurriedly tossed the pillows behind him back against the headboard and shut the window as quick as he could, his hands still on the lock of it when Tom let himself in. He turned around, shoving his arms into his torso and wiping the water off of his hands. Now that he was actually in the room, Tord didn't actually know what he was going to do or say, just sitting there with a slightly awkward expression. 

Tom looked off to the side and kicked the door shut, also taking a second to turn on the lights. Tord winced at the sudden aged yellow light that filled the room, blinking to get used to it. “Could have warned me,” he muttered finally with a sour tone, though there wasn’t much force behind it. 

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“There is no fun in me burning my eyes out.” He tried to have the same joking tone as Tom had, but it just sounded more sarcastic than anything. As expected, that made his smile from before drop off. “What did you want?”

“What you said before, what’s going on? ‘Cause obviously it’s bothering you enough to- like- show up on the outside.”

Tord frowned as Tom sat down on the edge of the mattress and kept his eyes glued to the sheets. He opened his mouth to say something but immediately caught himself, not exactly knowing what he was going to say in the first place, instead sucking in a slow breath. Then, he noticed that this was just like every other time they talked, and it seemed to make his thoughts scatter even worse. It always ended up being Tom who brought things up, it was always Tom who asked more questions, offered him to go out, etc.. Hell he was also the one who paid for everything, but Tord couldn’t feel as bad about that since he was technically a war criminal and working wasn’t an option at this point.

And so here he was yet again, in the exact same uncomfortable silence he tried to avoid. And as soon as it clicked, of course, his brain started hopelessly scrambling for something that made any sort of sense. Every time he managed to grab hold of a thought, it slipped right back out of his grasp just as easily as it had come to. His head began flooding with non sensible garbage, overcrowding everything that he had considered mentioning before and making his hands tense back up. He couldn’t understand what was so wrong with him that he felt so incredibly unlike himself in his own head. It all just felt so off.

"Hey, calm down, okay?”

He immediately looked up to see Tom sitting in front of him, holding onto his shoulders gently. He shrugged his hands off once he realized he was just staring like he’d never seen his face before. “Yeah, yeah, I’m-... good,” he said under his breath, his voice refusing to work with him in that moment and instead deciding to cut in and out. 

Tom gave him a look. “No, you’re not,” he deadpanned. “Look, I have no clue what’s got you like this, but you can’t just sit here and lie about it. I doubt it’s even close, but we both know what happened the last time you started lying.”

His heart felt heavy at the comparison. He just nodded pathetically and tore his eyes away from Tom’s. “Fair enough- but I promise you it isn’t like that at all. They think I’m dead, so I wouldn’t even be able to get those materials again if I wanted- which I don’t, I’m just saying.”

“Shit, Tord, take a breath. I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, I just want you to tell me what’s up.” 

He refused to look back up at him, instead giving a nod of acknowledgement to give himself a small bit of time. He still wasn’t so sure he even wanted to say anything, but at the same time it was just going to brew inside him for years if he gave up now. So, he held his breath momentarily before blurting an unsure, “I think I love you.”

Tom didn’t respond straight away, which was understandable, but still enough to make Tord clench his teeth with anticipation. He let himself glance at his face, noting that he looked just generally dumbfounded. 

“You.. think.”

Tord swallowed his pride and shook his head. “I don’t- I mean, I’m pretty sure, but there is a part of me that denies it; says I’m lying to myself. It’s confusing, I guess? Like, you’ve been trying to be nicer to me or whatever, so I don’t really want to say it is love if it has a chance of just being me not used to- well, not used to you.”

Tom shifted his weight towards him. “What?”

“I- You in the terms of how we didn’t exactly  _ know _ each other for years on end.” He wasn’t quite sure what he was even going on about at this point, his mouth just spilling what came to mind. “When you let me come back I was expecting the same Tom I knew who really only talked to me in a sarcastic tone. The same one who only looked at me like I was mental, the one that sat as far away from me as possible, that always remarked on shit I did wrong. So, uh, when you asked if my scars felt okay, or if I wanted you to bring something home from work, shit like that, it threw me for a loop. Now you glare at idiots in public, sneer to- but not at- me about people you work with, talk to me casually; hell you were the one who suggested we eat dinner together! Everything is just so different, and it’s.. a lot. But not in a bad way or anything. And I mean you still joke around, so there’s still a bit of what I was used to, but none of it seems intentionally rude and I-”

Tom put a hand over his mouth, a small smile tugging against his lips. “I got the memo.” He pulled the hand away after lingering against Tord’s face, falling down to rest next to their knees, which were touching at this point. “I think you need to just trust your better judgement. Let y’rself weigh if you’re really in love or not with no rush- and I mean it when I say ‘no rush.’ ”

Tord felt a rush of relief to see how casually he was taking this all, his body relaxing slightly in response. But, then again, now he was left alone with himself until he said something. His gaze was stuck on Tom, looking up and down every facial feature, how he sat, what he wore, and especially his eyes. Everything about them made him feel drawn in, like they were two black holes tempting him endlessly. Though, it was entirely a welcome feeling. It made him feel warm almost just thinking about them, and now staring like this without any refusal from either side felt amazing. He imagined seeing them up closer, wishing their lips were unbearably close to touching each other but not quite there. Neither making a move, completely content with just being in each other’s presence, and watching the emotion from behind their eyes. It sounded weirder in words than how he pictured it. To him, it was perfect. And that’s what hit him like a truck; there was no doubt in his mind then that he was hopelessly in love.

With much more certainty and confidence in his voice this time, he confirmed, “I am. I love you.” 

Tom didn’t say anything, only moving to wrap his arms around Tord’s shoulders, tugging him in for a tight hug. His head leaned up against the one next to him as he gave a quick sigh. “That was quick, ‘thought I said not to rush, huh?”

“Yeah, whatever,” he laughed, though not sure how to take that reaction. He didn’t respond beyond that, however, and they sat in silence for a minute or so before they parted. But, when they did, their hands found their way together which had Tord’s chest throbbing. It must have  been obvious, since Tom squeezed his hands softly and shook his head with a small grin. Tord dared to look him in the eyes again, trying to read his face again but not being sure if it was a pity smile or not. That doubt was immediately overridden however when he felt that same smile pressed right up against his lips.

The kiss was brief, but Tom didn’t move his head away very far at all, just like he was listening in on everything Tord thought. “But, you know, I’m thinking that I love you, too,” he mumbled lightheartedly. “Maybe you could make up my mind?”

Tord moved to kiss him once more, keeping the distance the same as moments before when it stopped and locking their eyes with a thankful, awestruck stare. “I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> and then they fell asleep on tord's bed so tord ended up sleeping on the puddle anyway  
> rip


End file.
